The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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