At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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