Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize