at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
