the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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