This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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