I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
