Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
