2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
