What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
