Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
