I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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