Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
