a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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