Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
