Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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