I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
