were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
