he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
