yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
