Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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