I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
