Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
