cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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