My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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