I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
