I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Randomize
