She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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