ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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