I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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