just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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