I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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