I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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