I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
