Buhtt sex?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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