I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
