The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
