if you like me you must not know who I am
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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