roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
