If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
