Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
