But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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