Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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