Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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