theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
