So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
