I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
