I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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