She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
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