I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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