dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
