So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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