I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
