I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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