Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
two words...techno handjob
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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