Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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