she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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