pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
