Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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