Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
