All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize