He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
